WARNING: I wrote the posts/paragraphs that follow (those where the term “EXPLOJUNKIE” appears) seized by a lucid anger, not to say a real, a real outright fury, and this is one of the parts I was most on the verge of cutting from publication, both on the website and in the book.
Unlike other parts, however, it is one of the points on which I have never in the slightest changed my mind in terms of content, recognizing in what I had written off the cuff and under a wrathful impulse, the description of a brutal and bitter truth about what Miriam has become.
In that period, many months after our last moments of intimacy, Miriam had just finished “restructuring” her hangouts, reaching a situation of pseudo-bigamous stability (as was her habit), and she was seeing a certain person, obviously a pusher, much younger than her AND at the same time another person from the scene, a man about her age.
(NOTE: She herself, in a chat message with the undersigned, had reiterated that she considered herself together with the one AND the other).
The reasons for bonding with the young pusher were obvious: With him she had gained a new operating base (his garage), a constant flow of dealing, a source of technical advice (he’s a “hacker of us”) but above all sexual gratification when that “irrepressible urge to fuck” came over her (her words).
Instead, the second partner is famous in the scene for his own stupidity and ineptitude and had recently lost every trace of lucidity due to decades of uninterrupted drugs (heroin first and crack later as in Miriam’s case).
[To get an idea of the guy’s mental state: He had been seen several times (and not only me) wandering around in the middle of the night talking to himself and intent on complicated and very long rearrangements of the contents of his little shoulder bag]
I had become curious to investigate why Miriam had chosen such an imbecile as a second partner but it wasn’t necessary; the long-time partner of the halfwit spontaneously revealed it to me, obviously also a drug addict, furious precisely because Miriam had apparently succeeded in the operation of stealing-a-wealthy-partner (which of course Miriam kept denying despite the evidence).
Basically the imbecile was awaiting a sizeable inheritance, which of course he would invest in buying large quantities of cocaine bought wholesale at rock-bottom prices, and then resell what-he-didn’t-smoke-himself on the consumer market by relying on some dealers he knew (including, precisely, Miriam).
In the attempt, to my great pleasure in the end NOT successful, to worm her way into the halfwit’s life Miriam had given up every shred of decency even toward her “friends” and had tolerated every possible mistreatment by the imbecile (from whom, among other things, she has in all likelihood suffered an actual rape with a kind of “date-rape drug”1).
BUT above all, Miriam had dropped the mask and revealed herself for what she had truly become over the years, and which I explain in detail below.
1 Popper, which is currently freely sold in Italy n.d.a.