[Marco sighed in resignation, this was a painful life to remember, not only was it full of suffering, but when he had remembered it he could in no way understand its meaning, reliving it was an effort.. thank goodness, Marco thought, that it had appeared to him with few details]
…
“...Nothing...I really can't do it,” Marco said to himself.
It was the fourth time he had tried, without success, to remember/relive that life...and he was tired, sad and frustrated..
That pain was unbearable, it seemed that that ENTIRE life was soaked in it like a biscuit dipped in milk, sour milk...BITTER.
The few clear things were that:
1) As if to change, he had reincarnated as a woman, white, petite and with light brown hair, almost blonde, the few plain clothes suggested a relatively recent era, medieval or a little further ahead in the future.
2) She was in a northern area, cold and stormy.
3) She had been abandoned by a family member (perhaps her father?) on a small island with a mainly rocky promontory in the center, a sort of impassable “spur” that jutted out of the sea like a knife and on which it was difficult even to land.
4) For unknown reasons she had soon stopped trying to get help by attracting the attention of some boat and had resigned herself to a life completely alone in the midst of a nature stingy with resources and hostile.
5) She had lived for several years, perhaps even decades, on the few things that that little northern hell offered her: some eggs from the few birds present, some shellfish, berries and wild plants somehow edible.
6) In the end she had died of hunger and hardship, alone and forgotten, so unhappy that she welcomed her own death as a release, after all it was the end of a suffering that had lasted an entire lifetime, she was even glad to see birds wheeling above her, clearly interested only in her poor remains.
NO, ENOUGH...IT WAS TOO MUCH...every time he tried to delve into the memories of that life, Marco suffered to the point of wanting only to escape from it, in some cases he even cried from the sadness and pain of the memories evoked.
Still shaken after what he had decided would be the last attempt, Marco directly summoned his soul, Aisha, to beg for explanations.
For the first time that young, petite, bald, dark-skinned girl, completely naked as in Jezebel's initiation ceremony, appeared to him directly clinging to him, CLINGING TO HIM WITH ARMS AND LEGS....at last he felt a little warmth... something physical, concentrated in his chest...around the Heart.
It was a flash...there were no questions, much less answers...but at last Marco had understood why of that life apparently so absurd.
Did minutes pass? hours?...Marco was unable to say...he had not managed to stop the tears, and Aisha had continued, despite her childlike appearance, to hold him tight like a mother comforting a child.
When Aisha moved delicately to leave, Marco stopped her with a gesture of his hand.
Marco: “You sacrificed an entire life to LEARN...to give ME the gifts necessary for THIS reincarnation of yours...right?”
Aisha remained silent, smiling sweetly.
Marco: “And you don't have the courage to tell me that ...THAT STRENGTH...THAT RESILIENCE AT THE LIMITS OF THE HUMAN...those gifts are barely enough for what is waiting for us....for what is waiting for ME...RIGHT?”
Again Aisha was silent....but she looked away from Marco's eyes.
Marco: “OK...sorry...in any case you couldn't tell me...IGNORE THE QUESTION ....forgive me...you can go...and...THANK YOU!”
Aisha smiled mischievously as usual, but this time Marco thought he caught a flash of affection ...rather...OF LOVE in her eyes as she returned his gaze before DISAPPEARING into nothingness.
Marco let himself fall onto the bed, on his back, arms and legs spread as if he were a starfish...the labored breathing had disappeared and he had dried the last tears in the dim light of the room...what time was it now?.. Marco did not feel like investigating right away and continued to lie there stretched out...shadow...silence...no one in the house...finally a little peace.
Marco thought aloud: “But she's a complete madwoman!... but what the FUCK has she planned for MY life???”.. and he burst into hysterical giggling, putting his hands over his head.
Marco's thoughts ran to the visions of preparation for Aisha's current reincarnation...HIS LIFE...and finally some details took on a logical meaning, Marco did not utter a word but marked out a sentence in his mind: “You ugly SEXIST bitch.... goals so important... you didn't think you could make it with a reincarnation in a male body ..... your (our) guides had to insist precisely to prove you wrong...right?”.
....No answer...apart from the SILENCE...