The third thing that impressed me about Miriam is that there wasn't a single person close to her that she spoke about positively, not even the people she had been friends with for years and saw daily, not even close relatives, and also not even her children!
This was particularly true for Miriam-B, but even when it was Miriam-A speaking, the language was milder rather than the substance of the judgment. The only other difference was that while Miriam-B criticized/attacked DIRECTLY (e.g., "So-and-so is a fool and is crazy, no one respects him"), Miriam-B COMPLAINED ABOUT IT, thus turning even potential compliments into criticisms (e.g., "So-and-so is very intelligent, and maybe that's why he treats me like a fool").
Once again, to me, it seemed somewhat ridiculous, as Miriam had relationships with numerous people, many of which were long-lasting and intense relationships, both with women (when I met her, she had a "Heart friend" with whom she was literally inseparable) and with men. For example, she maintained cordial relationships and met periodically with all her former partners.
Not to mention a large group of people close to her, with whom she had started collaborating on a "business" level, but with whom she then formed strong alliances. In short, she didn't lack a very intense social life, and it was easy to perceive that with the vast majority of those people, there was a strong and mutual empathy.
Every time I saw her with these people, it was all courtesy, an apparent serenity of relationships. I didn't see any quarrels, I didn't see any arguments, I didn't see any conflicts.
But as soon as these people were no longer present, in private with me, she would speak ill of them, highlight their flaws, and mention other personality problems that I might not have even noticed.
If I expressed doubts, if I said that a certain person seemed nice to me, or that I didn't notice anything wrong, she would intensify the criticism by telling me extremely negative facts and anecdotes.
As I repeat, this was absolutely generalized and, again, as in the case of the fear of loving (chapter 1), or bipolarity (chapter 2), it was all very stigmatized, that is, a very strong... theatrical attitude...
So, to the spontaneous questions that arise, for example, about the Heart friend whose misdeeds she revealed to me and told me she was a dangerous person: "But if this person has all these flaws and you even judge her dangerous, why do you hang out with her?".
None of these questions received an answer, even a simple question like: "Shall we meet at three?" could receive a response like: ", yes, no, maybe I have to see, then I'll let you know", in short, it's normal for her not to respond directly, or not to respond at all, perhaps diverting attention to something else... distracting... Entertaining, and this corresponds to another precise need arising from her lifestyle.
Miriam is very skilled at changing the subject, evading, distracting, getting out of a predicament such as a direct question.
I have reflected on this aspect and understood the reasons.
The point is that in this environment, in the "dark world" one can be betrayed, by anyone, always and in any case.
Anyone can turn their back on you, anyone can do you a disservice, and you might never find out, or you might find out when it's too late. Essentially, you can't trust anyone. But you still have to maintain relationships, or risk being quickly excluded.
To survive in this Jungle of human relationships, Miriam has found (actually copied, and we'll see from whom) some seemingly absurd but actually BRILLIANT solutions, and the one I'm illustrating is one of them: Always speak ill of everyone when they are not present.
This discourages the listener, whoever they may be, from entertaining DIRECT relationships with other people and "encourages" them to refer to Miriam for EVERYTHING, thus ending up under her control.
Let's take the example of her Heart friend (as the subject of Miriam's slanders) and myself (as the listener).
Miriam tells me terrible things about her (current) Heart friend, adding details about the disasters she perpetrated on her ex, tells me she has been with a lot of men taking advantage of them all to the bone, "squeezing them like lemons," adds details on how she literally ruined Mr. X, Mr. Y, and Z, etc., etc.
It is clear that, regardless of whether I am a friend or partner, I am convinced that I have a confidential relationship with Miriam, and being practically unable to verify what she says (I certainly can't go to the friend and ask, "Is it true that you sleep with one a week and get filled with gifts from everyone before giving it to them?"), I will convince myself to stay away from her Heart friend and go through Miriam for anything concerning her.
It is essentially a continuous discouragement from having relationships with people within Miriam's inner circle, and it makes sense because in this way she positions herself as the center of any information. Whatever passes, she will be the main terminal, the network HUB through which everything passes, and she can "filter" the information appropriately according to the convenience of the moment.
But not only that: In the long run, it creates a sort of DEPENDENCE/ADDICTION... TOWARDS HERSELF, some unfortunate persons end up not opening their mouth without first asking her for advice.
Even in this, Miriam is an archetype of the environment, Miriam embodies (also) this principle, she has made it her own to such an extent that, again, it has become part of her identity, a qualifying element of her.
I have seen this principle applied by numerous people within the environment, and those who do not apply it end up remaining marginalized.
As I said, Miriam is a person of a certain age and has essentially acquired, as we might see better in another post, the skills of the people she has frequented the most, particularly her ex-partners. She has taken the models of these people, all of them absolutely representative within the dark world, and made them her own. She has taken the best, synthesized it, and ended up becoming herself THE model.
And... IT WORKS!