[I wrote this letter on my 59th birthday (26/08/2025), after a fleeting meeting with Miriam, and I promised myself not to modify it in any way later. I wanted to "photograph" my state of mind, which I believe is tragically common to all those who have found themselves deeply loving a person with serious drug addiction problems, being rejected by them, and ultimately being "replaced" by people who are certainly NOT well-intentioned.]
---->TEXT
Hello My Love, Hello Miriam
I wrote this letter right after we met. Curiously, it was my birthday, and, unconsciously, you gave me a GREAT GIFT. But that's not the main thing I wanted to tell you, the reason I wrote this letter.
When I saw you, you were in pitiful conditions, a little slave owned by a demented man, forced to travel by bicycle with him. You, who never had trouble getting a car, called a house YOURS where you stayed with his father. You, who always hosted and supported your partners (and not only them). You, who said you cared about your family, your children, more than anything else, and who didn't want to sleep away from home.
In that moment, I had the confirmation that my worst nightmares had already come true.
I confess that while you were speaking, I WASN'T LISTENING, so much so that it was the usual sequence of FALSEHOODS, the alibis you tell to cover up your choices, your precise choices, and the unfortunate consequences that come from them.
No, I wasn't listening to you. I was too busy OBSERVING YOU, PERCEIVING YOU, PROBING YOU. I was looking for a trace of the woman who made me fall in love more than any other in my life, a wonderful woman, full of love for others, sensitive, always positive, always ready to help and support those in need. A courageous woman, capable of standing up to any bully and putting them right, sometimes with just a look.
I don't know if you still exist, Miriam. I don't know if you're still alive, perhaps well hidden inside that obscene "shell" of your appearance.
I don't know if you're still alive, but I love you too much, I love you too much not to at least try to send you a message.
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND ABANDONED OUT THERE! There are plenty of people out there who love you, Miriam, THEY LOVE YOU! And among those people, there's ME, and as I've always told you, I AM HERE, I AM HERE FOR YOU, AND I WILL BE HERE FOREVER!...as long as I have a breath of life left in me!
Now that I've written the most important thing, I want to tell you about the great, immeasurable gift you unknowingly gave me, on my birthday.
Seeing you appear like that, in such unpleasant company, definitively took away all hope for our romantic relationship... I KNEW, I FELT that we would no longer be lovers, but in that instant, every lingering doubt vanished, in an instant, like smoke in a room when a window opens.
It was painful at first. I confess, not without embarrassment, that I barely suppressed the urge to cry like a baby. But immediately afterward, as I watched you, I could see that there was something else, something very important.
It was clear that you were acting, my love. Your words were saying one thing; your body, your posture, the joy with which you called me, pedaling fast to catch up with me, the expression on your face and your beautiful eyes SAID THE EXACT OPPOSITE... and that's when I finally understood.
We can force ourselves to leave someone, we can cut off every relationship, but we can't stop loving someone "on command," especially someone we've loved more than ourselves.
Love remains there, a silent guardian of our perfidy, our human miseries. LOVE NEEDS NOTHING, it doesn't need physical contact, sexuality, presence... it needs nothing... IT REMAINS THERE OBSTINATIVELY, to MAKE US BETTER PEOPLE.
You decided to leave, Miriam, you always made the decisions for yourself, you decided to self-destruct, annihilate yourself, to let yourself be swallowed up by the obscene mask you yourself created... and I KNOW WHY YOU DID IT!... I KNOW!
THIS IS A WORLD TOO UGLY FOR WONDERFUL SOULS LIKE YOURS! You decided you didn't want to live in such a world anymore.
Miriam, I want you to know that even if I don't agree with it, I accept and respect your decision... BUT... my love, the love of my life... BELIEVE ME... OUT HERE YOU CAN BE HAPPY, YOU CAN LIVE HAPPILY, YOU CAN DO IT, MIRIAM, I know you can do it... with or without me... AND... if you decide to try again... to LIVE...
YOU WILL NOT BE ALONE, MY LOVE
FOREVER YOURS
Marco
P.S.: I'd like to tell you I'm sorry I "bullied" that guy... BUT I'D BE LYING... and YOU'D UNDERSTAND... so... I'd rather clarify my extenuating circumstances.
That unfortunate, miserable being (it bothers me to call him a person) came back on purpose and seriously disrespected you in my presence. He did it on purpose, he wanted to demonstrate his power over YOU for the sole purpose of asserting his "SELF," HIS OWN IDENTITY, his own PERSONALITY—that is, the very things he's lost forever, swallowed up by the same demon that's also devouring you!
……and I don't accept it….
……AND I WILL NEVER ACCEPT IT….EVER…